i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
