i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
FUCK WHALES
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
