I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
