This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
