eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
