Already got asked if we're dating
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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