Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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