Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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