Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
