i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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