one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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