Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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