I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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