this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
