anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize