over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
