Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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