So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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