no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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