I cannot find my penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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