You can't special order awesome
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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