Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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