You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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