Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
