Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
