sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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