so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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