Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
handjob tips. give me some.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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