If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
