and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
