sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
