I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
