It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
