Plan B is the new Plan A
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just invented taco cereal.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize