now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
