How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize