my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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