you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
