1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize