so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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