woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
