not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
