fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
