You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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