I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
