Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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