Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
