apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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