Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
