yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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