all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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