when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
