To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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