Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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