you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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