I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
