she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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