It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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