Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
