Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
