I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize