Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
