"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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