We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
