Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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