Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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