Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
