yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
