I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
