i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
