apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize