I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
