If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
