Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
