hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
