Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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