Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
