I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
