She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
