She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
