youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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