Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
