Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
