I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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