He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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