Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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