i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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