I think I am morally bankrupt
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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