He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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