sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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