The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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