if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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