He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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