I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
