my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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