She is in my trunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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