we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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