She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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