Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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