So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
