Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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